“I wrote the show to take back the voice I so often lost in bed”

Featured in The Guardian’s Best Shows of Edinburgh Fringe 2018, Ad Libido is writer/performer Fran Bushe’s quest to fix sex. Join Fran on this “relentlessly hilarious” (★★★★ The Stage) quest, with songs, as she pursues a satisfying sex life. Expect toe-tapping tunes, a magic penis and a visit to sex camp. Oh, and dolphins.

Looking in at the Wardrobe Theatre from Feb 13-15 (more here), Ad Libido explores Fran’s own experience of female sexual dysfunction (which covers problems with sexual response, desire, orgasm or pain during sex), a condition affecting around 40% of women at some point in their lives.

“Armed with glitter, songs and a diagram of her vulva, Fran Bushe is on a mission to kickstart her own libido and change how we think and talk about female pleasure. After trying to enjoy sex for 15 years and facing unhelpful advice from GPs, she is taking matters into her own hands… All of this is surprisingly funny.” ★★★★ The Guardian

‘Ad Libido’ documents Fran’s quest to enjoy sex

Here’s Fran to introduce into the world of Ad Libido.

“Get out there and have more sex and have a glass of wine to loosen up a bit.”

These words were said to me by a doctor a few weeks before I turned 30. I’d been sexually active
for 14 years and the truth is that I just didn’t ‘get’ sex. I had sex and I wanted to want sex, but for the
most part I made appropriate “ooh” and “aah” noises at what felt like appropriate intervals, like
attending a sexy firework display. Often, sex hurt.

I tried to be honest with partners, but that often meant sex became a mission to ‘fix me’. Partners
would say at regular intervals “Did that special move work?”, “ “What about that time?”, or “This
always worked on my ex”. I believe hugely in communication during sex but there is nothing sexy
about it feeling like it’s taking place under exam conditions: ‘your hour to make Fran have a good
time starts… now’. Even friends whom I confided in would suddenly proposition me, believing they had the ‘magic penis’ to fix my vaginal woes.

Before the doctor’s appointment, I’d decided that enough was enough. I wanted to become a
multi-orgasmic-tantric-come-with-ease-sexual-goddess. Or, at least, learn to enjoy the sex I was
having. Even I couldn’t have predicted a year later I’d be at a Sex Camp taking part in a vagina
worshipping ceremony and, later, performing my show Ad Libido about my experience.

According to the internet my symptoms came under the umbrella term of Female Sexual Dysfunction. This can include problems with desire, orgasm and pain during sex and it is estimated
around a third of young and middle-aged women suffer from a form of sexual dysfunction, along with
around half of older women.

However, every time I’d visited the doctor about it I’d left feeling unheard, unimportant and untreated. I ended up feeling I shouldn’t waste a doctor’s time. I mean, someone could be dying in the waiting room whilst I was complaining about not having a good time between the sheets! Not enjoying sex felt like a ‘luxury’ problem.

I began to talk about it and to write my show Ad Libido, to take back the voice that I so often lost
in bed. The show had a sell-out run at the Edinburgh Fringe and has won multiple awards – but
most importantly, it started a conversation that has grown and grown.

Pic: Ali Wright

I wish I could say after all this time that I had entirely ‘fixed sex’. I haven’t. I have learned a few things that have helped me along the way. Bearing in mind that every vagina is different and every sexual experience is different, it is important to find what works for you, but for me some things that help are:

1. Know what you like and be able to communicate it. There are some days I’d
much rather have my ears kissed than try penetrative sex, but I’ve only recently been
brave enough to voice this. It is OK to ask for the things you enjoy and often a great turn
on.

2. An understanding partner. Whether it is long term or casual (or even just yourself),
being comfortable with them makes everything much easier in my experience.

3. Keep active and spend time with your body. Dance, run, masturbate, trampoline,
meditate, whatever works for you.

4. Take a break from penetration. Sex is not just penetration. Most women need direct
clitoral stimulation to orgasm, so don’t put all your pressure on penetration.

5. Relax. Easier said than done I know, but as soon as I’m worrying about sex or worrying
about anything, or even just hungry, then my body gets distracted and just shuts off.

6. Lube. I used to get embarrassed turning up with lube, as it felt an admission of failure
before sex had even begun. Women can feel dry for all sorts of reasons, even from
taking hay fever medication, so lube can just help take the pressure off.

7. There is no such thing as normal sex (as long as it’s consensual). Try to not compare
your sex life to that of your friends or the media. Explore the things you like and take
them at your own pace.

Ad Libido is at The Wardrobe Theatre from Wed, Feb 13 to Fri, Feb 15. For more info and to book tickets, visit thewardrobetheatre.com/livetheatre/ad-libido