21 unusual items available on Bristol Facebook’s marketplace

1. A fully furbished burger restaurant 

We all love going out for a meal, but sometimes it can be pricey. So why not buy an entire restaurant? For just £60,000, you’ll never have to worry about paying for food again. Plus, if you manage to keep hold of the establishment for just 236 years, you’ll technically have saved money.

2. A Blackberry that doesn’t charge 

“Not sure which one it is wen plug in charger red light comes on then it doesn’t actually turn on.” What a find.  Charging your phone is so 2018 anyway.

Snazzy.

3. Dust

Ever got in from a long day at work and thought “wow, my house is just too clean?'”Well fear not, because at just £19 a tonne, you, your home and everyone you love could be covered in dust and you wouldn’t even be that much out of pocket. Sorted.

4. A full KA sport 

No, this isn’t some sort of joke – an entire car (and it’s a sport) for just fifty pounds. A picture of the ‘full’ vehicle was kindly provided. Inverted commas essential.

Can you drive it over to me or do I have to pick it up?

5. 66 litres of out of date Irn Bru 

Happen to have a dehydrated Scottish friend down in the South West for the weekend who wilfully ignores best before dates? Not sure how you’ll quench their insatiable thirst? Look no further than this perfectly tailored gift set, all thanks to the Bristol Facebook marketplace.

6. Loads of wood 

I know what you’re thinking – “who needs loads of wood? I’ve been getting by just fine with my modest amount of wood.” Well, a lot of people actually. Carpenters. Builders. Beavers. So get it whilst it’s still available.

7. Poker hats 

The perfect gift for someone with a terrible poker face. Before you give it to them, make sure they agree to split their winnings with you; you fought tooth and nail to get this hat.

Maximum stealth.

8. A cricket set with no ball 

There are two problems with the game of cricket. One is the prevalence of cheating and corruption. The other is the ball. I’d rather play without if I’m honest.

9. A ‘genuine’ facet ignition distributor cap. 

Too many times have innocent Facebook marketplace browsers been sold a fake facet ignition cap. Too many. This one, rest assured, is the real deal. This item was listed as available in Bristol for £56,000…or £3.50. The choice is yours.

10. An ammo box 

Isn’t it dreadful when you have hundreds of rounds of live ammunition lying around in your living room and absolutely nowhere to put it? Problem solved. Available in khaki, slightly lighter khaki and slightly darker khaki.

11. A camouflage tent

If you really just want to get away for the weekend, then this tent is your best bet. And by get away, I mean become completely undetectable for an unlimited period of time. The picture below (the actual picture from the listing) showcases the futuristic technology that will make you the envy of the campsite and the neighbouring caravan park. If they can find you, that is.

Clearly it does the job.

12. A free haircut 

Haircuts are expensive these days. Wouldn’t a free one be nice? It’s unclear how one could claim it, but it’s on the Bristol Facebook marketplace, so it’s up for grabs.

13. Italian face masks

If you’ve recently secured a position in the espionage sector and your first assignment is infiltrating the Mafia, look no further than these authentic Italian face masks. Slap one of these bad boys on your mush and you’ll be able to walk through the streets of Turin (or wade through the canals of Venice) without anyone batting an eyelid. Fantastico.

When in Rome…

14. Left mannequin arm (no hand)

Everyone at some point in their lives has experienced that sinking feeling you get when you think you’ve finally finished building your mannequin only to realise that it’s missing a left arm. But have no fear – Facebook marketplace is here. Oh, and good news! the seller says he’s ‘selling lots of other arms too, so have a look’. How exciting!

15. Break dancing Polar Bear statue 

This is a rare collectors item – unless you’re aware of other prominent animal-only antarctic dance crews that have been cast in porcelain. I have a feeling you aren’t though. Just a hunch.

Photo credits: Blue Planet 2

16. A Razor 

Now this isn’t one of the Bristol marketplace’s most unusual items, for sure – but it makes the list. The reason it does is that the seller is attempting to make a £1.42 profit. Entrepreneurs take note.

17. Big Lamba

This is Big Lamba. He’s a large, colourful character, and he’s available for just a tenner. Confusingly however, the seller also listed his name as ‘Lamar’. Maybe it’s a nickname. Maybe it’s supposed to say Llama. The plot thickens.

What a sweetheart.

18. An old Uber Eats delivery bag

This is ideal for anyone who regularly transports meals from place to place and is tired of trying to simultaneously balance numerous plates of food and control a road vehicle. Being sold by none other than ‘Shaun Connery’. License to spill.

19. A Watch

Great condition, reasonable price, everything you could ever ask for in a time-telling device from Bristol’s Facebook marketplace. The seller can drop it off for you too, just after he’s finished smoking all those cigarettes. It might take a while.

Remember kids, smoking is bad for you, even if the watch isn’t.

20. Boneless, dried chicken pieces

If you want some takeaway after a night out, the Facebook marketplace may surprise you with its endless stream of miscellaneous goodies, including these dry chicken pieces. It does imply they’re for dogs, but doesn’t explicitly state it, so tuck in!

21. An empty crisp packet 

To finish off our list, we have the most in demand item available on the Bristol Facebook Marketplace. Thousands of Bristolians condemn their empty crisp packets to the bin every day, but not this guy. It’s yours for a mere £7,200. Absolute bargain.

Read more: Social Media Week Bristol returns for June 2019