Conversations with fathers

There’s a sense of relief in the air in Blaise Castle park, as, for once, the sun is shining: perfect timing for the summer holiday ‘Family Fun Day’ at the museum. The sound of children playing accompanies happy faces with children, mums and dads out to enjoy the sunshine.

But for now, it’s not all about play. Four academics from the University of Bristol’s Brigstow unit have taken up residence in the 18th century mansion house to conduct some research for their project, Conversations with Fathers.

The project is based on the idea that we need to talk more, and more realistically, about fatherhood, and aims to create a space for the conversations about fatherhood that it might be difficult to have, as well as showcase and celebrate what’s great about being a dad. The team is working closely with Bluebell, a charity for fathers.

“We want to learn about fatherhood by speaking to fathers themselves, and documenting what they like about being a father, and what they think other (or future) fathers ought to know,” says Dr Jonathan Ives, lead academic for the project, and senior lecturer in biomedical ethics and law.

The event’s only just begun and there’s already a steady flow of intrigued faces coming through the door to talk about their experiences of fatherhood.

The project started a year ago, with the four researchers coming together to get to grips with what it means to be a father in the modern world. They aim to promote thought and reflection about fatherhood in its entirety, both the highs and the lows, and wish to talk to anyone who is interested – including partners, adopted fathers, children and grandparents.

“Research suggests that fathers talk to their partners more than anyone else, but there aren’t many groups for fathers to talk to other fathers, unless there’s a specific need,” says Professor Esther Dermott.

https://youtu.be/cs4GuubTeQc

Where do fathers go to talk about being a dad – and do they need to? Two of the dads at Blaise Castle said they talk to their partner and family and wouldn’t use a support network unless they had a specific reason to do so, like being a single parent. However, Norbert Stricker, visitor attendant at the museum, felt strongly that talking is much needed.

“It’s not just a good idea, it’s a paramount idea,” he said passionately. “It’s incredibly important to highlight what weight men have in the raising of the next generation and how they undervalue themselves or they accept influences which are adverse to a new generation to be brought up.”

“‘Latte papas’ is a thing in Sweden, where fathers talk more about fatherhood – it is more public,” says Esther. When it comes to childcare, the top five most egalitarian countries are all Scandinavian, with Sweden right at the top. Swedish parents are each offered 480 days of paid parental leave while in the UK, fathers receive 10 days’ paternity leave with their newborn child at 80 per cent pay before they are sent back to work. Conversations with Fathers seeks to create normality around talking about fatherhood.

The lure of the Blaise castle museum ensures a steady stream of passers by throughout the day and it’s with a sense of intrigue that people pause their journey into the museum to have a chat about fatherhood. The mood is light and happy and Norbert, the visitor attendant, is kept busy making sure no stray dogs enter the museum uninvited.

“There’s a general assumption that we can talk about dads as a homogenous group, but in reality there are all sorts of different fathers and all sorts of different fathering experiences,” continues Dr Jonathan Ives. “They might need different things at different times, and there’s nowhere that dads ‘go’. There are places offering specific support for certain problems, but what is lacking is the general willingness and exposure to fathering and talking about it in general.”

One of the outcomes of this research will be a resource for fathers, aiming to offer both support and exposure and to celebrate the diversity and normality of fatherhood.

All in all, this seemed a great start to generating conversations about fatherhood. Reactions were varied: some saw no need in fathers talking among themselves about being a dad, while others were passionately for getting dads talking. As Jonathan Ives puts it: “There are all sorts of different fathering experiences.” The team have a lot more talking to do.

Read more: ‘A new era for health research and education at Bristol uni’