‘I found my people, I found my solution’

“Half of my life I have been in recovery,” says Caroline Hogan, the compere of a festival celebrating the changes that drug and alcohol addicts have made to their lives in Bristol.

The former mental health support worker was close to death before she turned her life around to the point that she’s now the linchpin of the Recovery Festival.

“It’s almost like being reborn because the whole of my adult life has been around drinking and using. It’s like a miracle, I’m absolutely fine…something has happened to me,” she says as she describes how she got where she is now.

The festival that has been running for three years celebrates its biggest event to date on Friday, September 4.

The day-long event is all about showing off the achievements and talents of recovering drug users and alcoholics from all areas across the region.

It is free to attend and anyone can go whether you are recovering from alcohol or drug abuse yourself, supporting others, or just interested in what certain recovery organisations can do to help people.

Clean for three years, Caroline tried many different ways to stop using and drinking before finally finding her solution: the 12 step fellowship, most commonly found in Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous.

Caroline had her first alcoholic drink when she was 13 years old and from then on knew says she always wanted more.

The 43-year-old from Frampton Cottrell, a mother of two girls, ended up taking a mixture of drugs, from cocaine to legal highs and prescription medication, every day, even though she felt the desire to stop.

At first she struggled to admit she was an ‘addict’. She could always stop, she thought, but would always return to using.

“I could function, I could be a mother as long as I used first so all of their physical needs were met and I could do all of the stuff that I needed to do as long as I used first. I needed to use in order to live,” she says.

From taking an excessive amount of stimulants and other drugs of her choice in the middle of the night and starting over again the next day, Caroline reached the point where she had damaged her organs so much that she couldn’t breathe, talk or even walk.

She led a lonely, isolated life with the hope of no-one knowing what was wrong with her. If someone asked, she would simply say: “There is something wrong with me, but I don’t know what.”

But with the realisation that what she was doing was killing her, Caroline finally decided she had to change.

She needed the chance to be removed from society, but with a denial of funding from her community care assessment she was forced to pay her own way through rehab.

The only option that was left was to completely distance herself from drugs and alcohol – nothing else could make her stop; not even her children, husband or mother.

She says she had to learn how to “recreate” herself. Eventually. the physical addiction that overran everything else was becoming less of a strain on her everyday life and the strong cravings for drugs and drink became easier to control.

Caroline says she found her way to recovery and to this day she has not felt the desire to return to her old self. Now, as an enthusiastic volunteer she wants to help other people with their recovery by sharing her own experiences and showing people the variety of options that are available to them.

“The recovery festival is like a joining together of all the separate ways of recovery because at the end of the day we are all trying to do the same thing, we are all trying to gain freedom from drink and drugs,” she says.

The event will be held at Woodlands Church in Clifton from 9.30am-4.00pm on Friday. A free bus service will be running from Bristol, Bath and South Gloucestershire to the festival during the day.

Special performances will be held on the day from the recovery choir, local musicians and drama groups along with a variety of talks from professionals and guest speakers.

Caroline emphasises that it is “a festival about celebrating. We were dying and now were not.”

For more information about the day visit www.therecoveryfestival.co.uk.