‘We’re being silenced’ – the reality of family courts laid bare

“Victims are losing their children, and that’s totally unacceptable. Something has to change, and we feel like the only way that change can happen is if we start making noise and raising our voices.”

These were the stark words of a parent called Charlotte who formed part of a protest staged to lay bare the reality of the UK’s family courts.

Standing outside Bristol Family Court, which sits inside the Civil Justice Centre on Redcliff Street close to the Seven Stars pub, a dozen people held damning banners.

‘Family court fails children’, ‘end secrecy family court now’ and ‘family court colludes with abusers’, read pieces of fabric held by abuse victims, legal professionals and domestic abuse support services staff.

They are part of collective Hold Up Your Hands, made up of parents with experience in the family court.

Members are demanding a total reform of the family court system, which they say is deeply flawed, silencing victims of domestic abuse and failing children.

Charlotte, who did not want to give her surname, is one of thousands of people each year who pass through the family court, which deals with complex issues such as deciding who a child lives with when their parents separate.

According to recent statistics, almost two thirds of family court cases feature an allegation of domestic abuse.

Charlotte has been embroiled in the system for four years after leaving her perpetrator under a non-molestation order.

“There are women in this group that lost custody of their children to a perpetrator, because they tried to stand up against the system,” said Charlotte.

“Or they’ve lost custody of their children because of mental health issues caused by abuse, that the perpetrator is then using against them in the family court system, and the judges are buying this.”

The protest comes as a Women’s Aid report found that the justice system “is still failing domestic abuse survivors and their children”.

It found:

• All of the survivors contributing to the report felt that their children’s thoughts, wishes or feelings had not been listened to or acted upon
• An underlying culture of misogyny, mother-blaming and victim-blaming continues in the family courts
• Women continue to be accused of “parental alienation” when they raise valid concerns around domestic abuse and child safety
• Family court proceedings continue to be trauma-inducing, rather than trauma-aware

The collective said that children are potentially being put into the hands of abusive parents

Charlotte joined the demonstration on Thursday with her face and hair covered, like most other protesters who are currently involved in legal proceedings, explaining “we don’t want this to be used against us by our perpetrators”.

“Some victims didn’t come today because they’re too scared to speak out,” she added.

Another protester has been involved in a decade-long ordeal fighting for custody of her child and against a system she believes was set up to see her fail.

“It’s a horrendous process,” Olivia said.

“To be in the system for a decade is absolutely debilitating. I want my focus to be on my child, not having to battle and fight for my rights and a decent system. I’m never getting that time back with my son.”

Olivia claimed that family courts take a narrow view of domestic abuse, not recognising it as patterns of controlling or coercive behaviour but as incidents of physical assault.

Over the years, she estimates that she has spent almost £50,000 on legal fees.

She added: “My ex is extremely good at lying, and there’s nothing in place for understanding that people can be untruthful in court and manipulate.

“There should be a more intelligent system than detects coercive control. The child should come first and there should be protection for the victim, but it seems the focus is on the abuser.”

All photos: Betty Woolerton

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