And this most pointless award goes to

This comment article is written by Karen White, of the Bristol Institute of Directors

After a couple of attempts, Bristol got the big one under its belt: European Green Capital. Despite the fact it feels like we baked an amazing cake that is now sitting in the tin getting stale while we decide how we’re going to serve it up, it was an exciting moment at the time.

But that’s the problem. Entering and winning doesn’ t necessarily mean it’s going to be a life-changing experience. Everyone likes to win an award, but are they actually worth the time and effort? Here’s my take on the world of award entering, giving and winning. 

The lifetime achievement award

Roughly translated as: move on, step aside, give someone else a chance.  It’s a polite way of saying, you can retire now. One of the most memorable industry dinners I attended was when the recipient of this particular accolade just didn’t turn up, and gave no reason. I admired the chutzpah of someone who clearly did not feel their time was up.

The award with up to 50 categories (there’s one in Bristol, you know who you are)

Frankly, this is the grown-up version of pass the parcel.  Everyone’s a winner, no one leaves in tears. Even if all you walked away with was the prize for the shiniest cutlery.

The regional industry award  

You pay to sponsor, you pay enter, you pay to attend. At some point everyone swimming about in your industry pond in the South West is going to get it. Cut out the middle man, save your money and just all go down the pub and award yourselves the trophy on a rolling basis.  

The people’s choice award

The X-Factor of the business awards. Get your friends to set the phone on redial. It’s all about numbers, not always quality.  

Award for services to the community

They don’t call it Other Buggers’ Efforts (OBE) for nothing. We all know there’s a quota of gender, diversity and occupations to fulfill. Which is why there are always some seriously random Queen’s Birthday Honours made every year. Mind you, unless you are totally anti-establishment, most people find this one hard to turn down. 

The quirky award

There’s much more of a warm feeling about this one. Who doesn’t want to perch their posterior on the Loo of the Year? Yes, someone bothered to go to the effort of entering a public convenience for the title of best in the country. Got to be worth something.

Anything featuring small, cute things award

Whose business day tedium isn’t relieved by a photo of a winning small furry animal sitting in a teacup, resulting in a 15-minute slump in productivity in the office as everyone forwards, retweets and saves to favourites? Admit it.

Damned if you do and damned if you don’t? An award can almost certainly raise your profile if you choose the right one and maximise it after the event. But weigh up the benefits compared to the time and money you’ll have to invest to even get on the shortlist before you jump in. And if you do win, don’t let it grow mould.