Why it’s time to open up about loneliness

There is definitely a stigma around the subject of loneliness – it’s simply not something that many of us are prepared to admit.

When I was 30, I was one of the one in ten people who suffered in silence. My relationship had just ended and I had moved to a new city, 200 miles from my friends and family, I suddenly found myself completely on my own.

I did the dreaded lingering in the car park on a Friday after work, knowing I wouldn’t speak to anyone again until Monday. I felt embarrassed – it wasn’t something that was talked about.

Joining an arts class and the gym meant I was ‘doing something’, but I wasn’t making friends and still felt lonely. Instead, I started volunteering and set up a tea party group for Contact the Elderly.

In 2013, I realised that one lady from my group – Freda Froom – was going to be alone on Christmas Day, and took her out to a restaurant. That soon led to health professionals and charities contacting me to ask if their neighbour, patient or member could join in…one soon turned into 17, and Marmalade Trust was formed.

We want to reduce the stigma surrounding loneliness and help make it easier for people to make connections. If we all talked about it more, people experiencing long-term social isolation that is affecting their health could go to their GP and say: ‘You know what? I think I’m lonely’.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kt3a1wtkeqg

Loneliness Awareness Week (LAW), which is in its second year, was created by the Marmalade Trust and has received backing by the Royal College of GPs, Contact the Elderly and the Campaign to End Loneliness, among others.

LAW is a way of encouraging the conversation around loneliness and building connections in communities across the UK. It’s about giving people the tools to approach those who are suffering in silence and make their days a little brighter. It’s amazing the difference a quick chat and a smile can make to someone who is lonely.

Amy’s top tips on how to recognise if you’re lonely, and how to get help:

How to recognise you are lonely:

1. You experience poor health. Colds, tiredness, sleep deprivation can all be signs of being lonely.

2. You spend a lot of time on social media. Spending large portions of your day scrolling through news feeds, can be a sign you are lonely – perhaps trying to fill the social void.

3. You give yourself comforts to feel connected. Perhaps over-eating or buying too much stuff, or just binge-watching box sets for hours on end, all in a bid to end that lonely feeling.

4. Alone time doesn’t feel relaxing. Periods of time alone should be restorative and feel like downtime. But when you are feeling lonely, time alone can feel well… lonely.

5. Longer in bed, but not sleeping. Studies show you can want to spend longer in the comfort of your bed, but not necessarily sleeping.

Top tips on how to fix loneliness:

1. Recognise it’s not uncommon. Feeling lonely is a normal human emotion, and simply a sign of wanting more contact with people.

2. Look after yourself. Eat well, have exercise and be kind to yourself.

3. Acknowledge what loneliness means to you. What do you need? More friends? To not be a home-based worker? Or to mix more with your peers? Work out what social connections are missing.

4. Reach out. Tell friends and family you are feeling lonely. Join meet-ups or other groups. Go for a coffee in local café, or shop locally and get to know people in your neighbourhood.

5. Volunteer. One of the best ways of overcoming loneliness can be to help others. It gives you a sense of purpose and is a great opportunity to meet others.

LAW runs from June 18-22. This year, organisers are asking people to bake a Marmalade Connection Cake and post on social media using the hashtag #LetsTalkLoneliness #ConnectionCake.

Amy Perrin

Amy Perrin is the founder of Marmalade Trust, the charity behind Loneliness Awareness Week, which runs from June 18-22.

Main photo: Amy and Laura Hart, of Hart’s Bakery, who created a Marmalade Connection Cake specially for the charity and is doing a special offer for people to buy one, get one free and give it to someone – be it a friend, neighbour or stranger – you think needs a little lift in their day.

Read more: Helping to decrease feelings of isolation