Film
The Witches
- Director
- Nic Roeg
- Certificate
- PG
- Running Time
- 92 mins
“Real witches hate children,” granny (Mai Zetterling) counsels incredulous nine-year-old Luke (Jasen Fisher), just before his parents perish in an undisclosed accident. Real witches are also completely bald, have itchy scalps, no toes and smouldering purple eyes. These somewhat conspicuous traits are concealed by dead-giveaway disguises, such as sensible shoes, which real witches wear at all times when mortals are around. Recently-bathed children are easily preyed upon as they carry a distinctive odour of “fresh dogs’ droppings”. The only way to avoid capture is to wash as infrequently as possible. Naturally enough, this philosophy of personal hygiene appeals greatly to Luke, who gets to put it into practice when he and gran book into an English hotel run by the unspeakably oleaginous Rowan Atkinson. Gathering at the same hotel is the AGM on the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children: a front for the English coven, who are meeting to hear Grand High Witch Anjelica Huston‘s plan to transform every sprog in the country into mice by means of a magic potion concealed in delicious sweeties.
A delightful comedy/fantasy based on Roald Dahl‘s award-winning children’s story, with typically magnificent effects by Jim Henson, The Witches incorporates as much nastiness as possible without forfeiting its PG certificate. Director Nic Roeg’s touch is unusually light, forgoing his customary stylistic tricks to allow the neatly staged exploding witches and talking mice room to dominate the screen. The pre-transformation tykes might be a little wooden, but Mr. Atkinson and Ms. Huston resolutely refuse to be upstaged by Henson’s inventions; the former wringing every ounce of grease from a role of truly Fawltyesque proportions and the latter coming on like a suitably overblown amalgam of Elvira and Ingrid Pitt. Best of all is the almost tangible loathing of children exuded from the script, in stark, agreeable and moderately subversive contrast to Hollywood’s ongoing obsession with sanitised sprats. Which means, of course, that kids will love it just as much as adults.
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